as Gabriel and I continue to walk
as Gabriel and I continue to walk past pin-wheels spinning, tiny toys ready to play, flowers and flags that throw a lavender cast on low-lying stone, most people have gone. runners with...
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Very moving.I have a small suggestion for you to consider.I moved the last line into the upper part of the poem.Just to see what you think.I so much enjoyed this.past pin-wheels spinning, stuffed...
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Hi again! Oh my, I'm such a lunatic. As usual, I've posted a million versions of the same poem- need to stop revising on the board. Thank you so much for the suggestion. We can see how we like it Most...
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Mar, I for one, am glad to see someone who is actively revising. So many poetry boards are dead. It's refreshing to find one where the writers are engaged!
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Ah, this is it.the poem is well stuctured and the narrative moves easily to connect blocks of action:the opening: past pin-wheels spinning, stuffed animals on sticks, tiny toys ready to play, flowers...
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Hi Bernie!I'm thrilled you enjoyed the poem.Usually I need to stick to writing about experiences that I've actually had and this one pretty much is just that. I should never have read so much Thomas...
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What a pretty pup. Good poem; you write from your heart. Refreshing.
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Hello Mar, Gabriel is beautiful. It's serendipitous that he has an angel's name. This poem seems just right to me nowexcept for one thing tugging at me. Is there a particular reason you are not using...
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R---i noticed the comment about writing from the heart...for most of us that falls far short of the mark. we have to write, that means not just dream, but build a poem. images, focus, narrative...
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Thank you, jd and ww!I'm so pleased you enjoyed the poem.I will probably add capital letters if Idecide to submit it somewhere. It'sjust a habit to not use them whiledrafting. I'm glad you...
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Thank you once again for your time and expertise, Bernie. I will make a checklist and try it out on the "yellow house" poem. Less than ten of my poems are published because I seldom submit. Hopefully,...
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Hey Mar, this is just lovely. as Gabriel and I continue to walk (revised from "the sun threatens to set") sun threatens to set (axed "the") seems to me also a very good title! Maybe use it elsewhere....
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Hi again, A.!I've been too busy the last several weeks to write and am lookingforward to having time to do so this coming week.I'm so pleased that you like this one."low flying stone" sounds...
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Hi rosered The poem has excitement and sadness at the same time. Begins with much energy and purpose and ends with a tinge of sadness and regret. Nicely written throughout. Excellent work. Best...
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Very nice Rose, of course I think the angel Gabriel, then I'm excited to see he's a dog. And why not a dog? They seem to know our needs. You must have some painting experience, seeing the lavender in...
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Thanks Dale! I've painted just a bit and have worked a little with pastels. In the old days when I attended undergrad, I took a number of art classes (now it would be called a minor or something like...
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Hi Mar, I've read and re-read your poem often esp. the stone line and I have to say I preferred your original low-lying to low-flying. As you had it made for a lovely realistic scene. johanna
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I think I agree with you, jd. I'll change it back. Thanks for reading and re-reading. I do so like to "entertain the troops"! My best, Mar
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